This is going to be a relatively short post in comparison to others. I talked with my therapist. She was happy with my progress thus far. Yes she agreed it seemed fast, but at the same time I've had a drive to get this going. It was amazing because I was also able to say that I was gay without it feeling weird to me.
So I came out to a couple friends who I knew it would not be a problem with. I think I strengthened friendships there by doing it. I don't think they realized how much I thought of them as friends until I told them.
It was a little weird though because I didn't feel as jazzed about it afterwards. It wasn't because I wasn't happy it was more because it wasn't as big of a deal as it was when I told my brother. Telling him was telling one of the people in my every day life for the first time. Telling these friends just had less impact. I think it's because now I'm starting to live my life and the anxiety that comes from trying to hold back this part of me constantly is slipping away.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
August is Off To a Great Start
So I'm kind of jazzed. Tomorrow is the first therapist appointment after coming out to my brother and his wife. I've made a lot of progress since my last appointment and I hope to discuss it with my therapist and see what she thinks. Am I moving too fast? Does she think I'm doing well, or am I delusional?
It's amazing how much has changed in such a short time. I was texting my friend, and I realize that all my thinking about not wanting sex and not being a sexual person was a bunch of bull. I was repressing. I'm not saying that there is no such thing as an asexual. I do believe that exists, but I don't believe that's me any longer. I really, REALLY want sex. It's just I want it with another guy. :)
I still don't plan on becoming one of those blogger horn dogs I talked about a while ago, but I do plan on trying to find a partner or two (maybe at the same time). :D
I broke down and installed Grindr on my phone. One of the things that was holding me back was my brother being able to get into and look at my phone. I didn't want him to find out about me by stumbling onto those apps. I freaked out once when he was looking at my new phone because I have my Plenty of Fish and Match.com apps on there and they're set to men. Now that he knows I don't really care if he sees them.
So I've even gotten a couple people to message me on Grindr. That's amazing to me. I'm not really that hot (at least I don't think). I'm not going to use it to hook up. If I'm going to hook up with someone it's going to be because we met out in the real world, got to know each other a little, and decided to throw some caution to the wind. Not because of a booty call.
But the biggest thing for me today was getting two guys to message me on Plenty of Fish. The first was the guy I talked about a while back who I exchanged just a couple messages with and never heard back from. He messaged me again. I was at work. He had to go to work, but I said I wanted to message him again, so we'll see how that goes.
The second guy was someone who I messaged a couple days ago. I'd be fine if this one just becomes a friend because he's into cars (me not so much, but I can appreciate), computers, and video games. He is kinda cute in a dorky sort of way too which appeals to me.
So who knows by the end of August I may get to have my first kiss, or date, or maybe even get laid (though I highly doubt it). All I know for certain is that I'm much happier with myself now. Much calmer in my skin. I think just coming to this realization once and for all about myself has been what I've needed all along.
It's amazing how much has changed in such a short time. I was texting my friend, and I realize that all my thinking about not wanting sex and not being a sexual person was a bunch of bull. I was repressing. I'm not saying that there is no such thing as an asexual. I do believe that exists, but I don't believe that's me any longer. I really, REALLY want sex. It's just I want it with another guy. :)
I still don't plan on becoming one of those blogger horn dogs I talked about a while ago, but I do plan on trying to find a partner or two (maybe at the same time). :D
I broke down and installed Grindr on my phone. One of the things that was holding me back was my brother being able to get into and look at my phone. I didn't want him to find out about me by stumbling onto those apps. I freaked out once when he was looking at my new phone because I have my Plenty of Fish and Match.com apps on there and they're set to men. Now that he knows I don't really care if he sees them.
So I've even gotten a couple people to message me on Grindr. That's amazing to me. I'm not really that hot (at least I don't think). I'm not going to use it to hook up. If I'm going to hook up with someone it's going to be because we met out in the real world, got to know each other a little, and decided to throw some caution to the wind. Not because of a booty call.
But the biggest thing for me today was getting two guys to message me on Plenty of Fish. The first was the guy I talked about a while back who I exchanged just a couple messages with and never heard back from. He messaged me again. I was at work. He had to go to work, but I said I wanted to message him again, so we'll see how that goes.
The second guy was someone who I messaged a couple days ago. I'd be fine if this one just becomes a friend because he's into cars (me not so much, but I can appreciate), computers, and video games. He is kinda cute in a dorky sort of way too which appeals to me.
So who knows by the end of August I may get to have my first kiss, or date, or maybe even get laid (though I highly doubt it). All I know for certain is that I'm much happier with myself now. Much calmer in my skin. I think just coming to this realization once and for all about myself has been what I've needed all along.
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