I never really thought about the meaning of this phrase until today. I drove 2 hours to see my high school best friend. It was a kind of the spur of the moment idea I had a few days ago: part nostalgia, part boredom, and part restlessness.
He and I became friends our freshman year of high school and roomed together our freshman year of college. Since then our friendship has been somewhat on the back burner, but it's still been there even if we weren't tending to it.
My friend is gay. He came out to me in that winter we roomed together. I can honestly say I didn't have a problem with it. He was my friend and because he was important to me I just accepted it as part of him.
I will admit there was a little bit of jealousy that he had found a way to move on in his life and I was still lost, but I still supported him none the less.
We talked about a lot after he came out. I told him that I had sometimes questioned my sexuality. We discussed things that happened in high school. We discussed our experiences to that date. Once we even sat and looked at some pictures of guys together (just looked, nothing more).
I knew that eventually I would want to go talk with him and tell him some of what was going on. I had told him I started therapy a while back. He has logged his own time in therapy for various reasons, so it seemed right to let him know I was starting down the same path.
Not long after I got in the door we were talking about a lot of heavy subject stuff (mainly concerning our respective issues and our therapy in general). For two people who have not talked much in the last 10 years it may seem a little weird that we were able to get into the deep stuff so quickly, but honestly it was nothing. We just instantly feel back into the trust and friendship that we had so long ago.
Part of my wanting to go see him was because I wanted to talk about this kind of stuff. I also felt I needed to tell someone other then my therapist and the people who stumble on this blog about my issues with sexuality. I knew because of his own coming out that he would have a little perspective on the issue.
It took me an hour or more to finally get the courage to talk about my questioning. That of course fed into my relationship issue, issues with sex, and issues with self-esteem and self-image. That part of the conversation lasted the rest of the day.
It was wonderful being able to open up to someone and hear what they thought. I didn't really hold back from him, and I don't think he really held back from me either.
It is strange, but at the same time awesome that I have a friendship like this that has stood the test of time and remained so strong. My time with my friend today taught me the meaning of the phrase Best Friend Forever. He really is that to me.
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