Seriously. Lately I've been checking out some blogs from guys struggling with their sexuality. I just stumbled across them while doing an internet search a while back. I was really interested in them because I thought they may be able to give me some insight into who I am. Secrets of an All American is the one that got me thinking about doing my own secret blog to chronicle my quest for self discovery.
His blog was interesting and he had links to a lot of other ones. I followed a couple of those links and started reading. I was surprised. One blog just seemed to chronicle the conquests of one man. He did have a few deeply personal posts too though. Posts with more meaning then most of mine probably have.
But the point is I kept finding these posts on all these blogs about how they were jumping on Grindr, or chat room, or Craig's List, or something and hooking up with these seemingly random guys.
I'm I crazy for thinking there's a problem with that? Is something wrong with me that I don't want to just hook up with a random guy (or girl)? Am I stupid for feeling that there should be some sort of a relationship first before the sex?
Maybe it's because I'm 33 and still a virgin. I really never thought words like sex, love, companionship, relationship were ones I'd ever truly know the meaning of. Maybe that's why each one of them seems like a treasure that shouldn't be squandered.
I don't want to just go out and hook up. Yeah I really, really want to loose this V card, but I don't want to do it just for the sake of doing it. I want it to mean something for me.
Does that make me weird?
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