Trapped

I'm sitting at home on a Friday night.  It's a usual thing for me.  I just don't feel like going anywhere or seeing anyone.  That's not exactly true I guess.  The problem is I don't know how to do that.  I don't know where to go.  I'm too nervous to just show up someplace by myself, at least a place where I can meet people, and I even if I did know where to go I'd probably just sit in a corner and watch instead of trying to interact with anyone.

It's even the same way online.  I mentioned a couple posts back about sending the message to one guy and getting a couple lines of chat out of him.  I can't decide if I should take that as a polite brush-off and move on or e-mail him again just to say hi one more time.

On another dating site I actually had someone e-mail me (now that is a first), and I have an outstanding non e-mail connection (which honestly is surprising to me since it means they did that on sheer photos and headline).  I haven't responded to either of them.  I don't know if I really find them attractive first off.  I also am still worried if being with another guy is truly the right thing for me.

But honestly I'm also just scared of the whole process.  I've never done it before.  I don't have any experience to draw from.  I don't have anyone who I can trust to lead me through it.  Heck I once had to go to my much younger brother for advice about keeping my work friend a work friend.  How pathetic is that?  Shouldn't it be the other way around.

I'm tired of feeling this way, but at the same time I'm so scared of the unknown.  I can't decide which feeling is worse to endure.  I just feel... trapped.