Who Am I?

So for my first post I think I'll talk about how I got myself into this mess.  I'm now about to turn 34.  I'm a guy. I'm a virgin.  Seriously.  I'm such a virgin that I've never been kissed or even gone out on a date.  I thought of the movie "The 40 Year Old Virgin" as me in a few years.  I'm also just now questioning who I am and what I want.  So sufficed to say I'm an extremely late bloomer.  Which is the reason at times I feel like a teenager stuck in a 30 year old body.  I feel like some of the questions I'm asking myself should have been answered 15 years ago.

First off one of the few questions I do know the answer to is gender identity.  I know and feel that I am male, so at least there is one thing I can be sure of.

My main question that I need the answer to is my sexuality.  I just can't figure it out.  A few days ago I was convinced that I am gay.  I decided to start to explore that aspect.  I put up a personal add on a few dating sites searching for men, but as I started to weed through the "matches" I began to question if I was truly attracted to any of them.  I would look at one and say, "He's really cute," and the next and say, "He's a definite no," and then come across one I thought just looked normal and say, "He's ok, but not great."  I don't think I ever felt an "attraction" to any of them though.

I've been able to do the same things to women in the past.  I can recognize a beautiful women.  I know one when I see one, but I'm not sure if I've ever felt an "attraction" to them either.

I don't think I'm asexual.  I've always heard the definition of an asexual as someone who isn't really able to have sexual attraction and therefore doesn't really have a sex drive.  I have a sex drive.  I express it in solitude quite often and I have a need to have sex of some sort.  I fixate on sex with a man, but now I'm really beginning to wonder if that is truly how I feel.  I know some straight people fantasize about gay sex even though they are straight.  I can picture sex with a woman, but it's not my common thought.  When I search for porn it's almost exclusively gay porn, but I'll admit I'm not sure I really enjoy it (though I do find it simulating enough).

Maybe it's the prospect of meeting someone that's freaking me out.  I mean I could find someone online tomorrow who's interested in me and I in him and we could go on a date.  So then don't I owe it to him to be 100% sure?  He'll probably be about my age and has most likely known about himself for some time.  Isn't it wrong if I lead him on only to realize, "Sorry, I like girls."

Maybe it's my Catholic upbringing that's getting in the way.  I mean gay sex is a sin.  In my head I accept that fact.  I also realize though that I want love in my life.  If I am gay and it isn't fair to a woman to be in a relationship with a man who can't love her, and it isn't fair to me to be in a relationship that isn't emotionally fulfilling.  I know in my heart I'd pursue a relationship that I can be complete in, and I would accept the eternal consequences of that (of course I may not say that in the future).  I'd also hope that I could ask God to forgive me though and realize that all I wanted to do was to find that one person he created for me to love.  I honestly don't think I have a moral issue with being gay.  I have no issue with other people being gay.

So what is it then?  What am I? Who am I?  I'm planning to start therapy soon and I'm hoping that maybe that will help shed some light for me.