When Should I Come Out?

Ok.  So now I'm wondering.  When should I tell people?

I have my friend at work.  She just today (on her birthday of all days) broke up with her boyfriend.  I mentioned in an earlier post that she and I went out as friends once, but I got the vibe she wanted it to be more than friends.  She got with that boyfriend not long after the night out.  So he was the rebound guy.  On one hand it makes me want to talk with her more so that she knows I'm just not a possibility.  On the other hand I don't know how she's going to react and I really don't want to kick her while she's down.  But she's such a good friend.  One of my best friends really.  I don't know how much longer I can go on not telling her.  But it at least will explain to her how I knew exactly what shoes to wear with the new little black dress she's wearing out this weekend (j/k I'm fashion inept).

Next is my brother.  I want to tell him first in my family.  I think... rather I'm sure he will be accepting of me.  He has always seemed that way.  It will probably be a little awkward at first, but I think he'll be happier that I'm happier.  His wife is a wild card.  I may have to tell her just so he has someone to support him.  I know that she has at least one gay friend, but I'm worried that it will change how she see's me and change how she feels about me being around my nieces and nephew.  Apparently there is some bad history with her ex's family that I just don't know (nor want to know) the full story of, and I'm afraid the typical prejudice of gay men and children will pop up.

Then there is my mom and stepfather.  My dad passed away two years ago.  If he were still alive I don't know how I would tell him.  I don't know if I would have even been able to admit it to myself.  Anyway.  I think my mom is going to need some time.  That's why telling my brother first is better.  I think he can help her through it.  I really feel though that she'll realize that I'm happier and more comfortable with myself in the long run.  The stepfather is a wildcard.  He acts like he's liberal minded at times, but then he makes comments and seems to be homophobic as well.  He'll probably accept it, but be uncomfortable with it.  So no PDA with the boyfriends at family get togethers.

I have my pool friends and D&D friends.  That's a very mixed bag.  One of my pool friends openly talks about her gay friends and is very liberal minded.  I think she'll be the first I talk to (plus talking to the women in my life seems easier... weird right?).  Next would be the guy who is on my pool team and in the D&D group.  He's also liberal minded, but he worries unnecessarily at times and I think he'd be afraid about how the rest of the group would react.  He'd probably want to change the atmosphere of the group to be more clean and less gay jokes.  I don't want that at all.  I crack some of those same jokes and have never been offended.  I think they'll take on a whole new context too. :)

The rest of the D&D group is about 1/3rd going to be cool, 1/3rd wildcard, and 1/3rd scares the hell out of me to think how they may react.  I would hate if this broke up our group or something.  On the plus side I can make coming out part of the game by just making the character gay and then saying that it's how I feel too. :)

My extended family will be hard to work with.  I have some who will accept it no problem.  I have some who I have no idea what they'll think.  And I have some I deeply fear will disown me or treat me so differently that I'm uncomfortable.

As for when this will all happen I'm debating that.  My friend at work, my brother, and the girl from the pool team are the first people I'm looking to tell.  Beyond that there is my cousin who's my high school friend's (yes the same friend I've been mentioning as being gay... we come from a small town after all) sister-in-law.  My cousin and his wife (at least his wife) who I get together to play games with every once and a while.

I'm thinking I may try to hold out until after my therapist appointment next week, but I may not make it until then.  I kind of want to talk with her to see if it's a good idea.  I mentioned my feelings toward her saying I was gay and I'm wondering if she picked up on that since we didn't discuss it at all last session.  How's she going to react when I suddenly act out and proud.  Will she think it's false?  Will she think it's too soon?  I don't know.